In Defense of Vegetables
Thursday, September 25, 2008
To begin, please preview the following Times of India article: Eating Veggies Shrinks the Brain.
Wow. Where to begin with what’s wrong with this article?
First, the title. It asks the question, ‘do veggies shrink the brain?’ but the answer is less provocative than suggested: NO. The real question is, ‘does a lack of vitamin B12 shrink your brain?’ That answer is much more clear: maybe. Now, saying that eating vegetables shrinks the brain is the the metaphorical equivalent of saying that masturbation causes pregnancy. There is a crucial component missing in both arguments - one being B12 and the other being an ovulating female - that makes both hypotheses completely incorrect and kind of embarrassing to be heard peddling. So, it’s not the increase of veggies that may cause brain shrinkage but the lack of vitamin B12, just as it’s not the increase of masturbation that causes pregnancy but the lack of an egg.
Pointing out coincidence in these two arguments, an egg is really all you need to solve both. Vitamin B12 is found in eggs, meat, fish, and milk. This is another fallacy of the article - the title suggests nothing of vegetarians or vegans and their diets; it is only suggested that eating vegetables (in a meal, possibly on the side of a 16 oz steak) will shrink your brain. Therein lies problem number three - if you can find me a vegetarian who does not eat milk or eggs, I will show you a vegan. In all my years of being a pseudo-vegetarian (three years from 2000-2003 and every summer since) I never once gave up fish (a good source of B12, though it constituted me not being a ‘true’ vegetarian), eggs, or a glass of milk each day during those periods until I became lactose intolerant due to over-consumption in 2004. (That happened well into my meat-eating phase and has since been resolved after a number of years fighting the illness).
Fourthly, brain size has been shown to have little to do with brain capacity. At the risk of sounding like anchorman Ron Burgundy here, I will tell you that a woman’s brain is smaller than a man’s. (As Ron put it, “it’s science.”) Do the women feel slighted by my comments? Peradventure as slighted as I feel by the inaccuracies of this Times of India article? The women should be, because my statement is only a half-truth (inasmuch as the Times’ assertions are half-truths). The full-truth is that women’s brains are realistically smaller than a man’s - on average they weigh close to 100g less than the male average of 1.25kg - but the only thing that this proves to us is that men and women’s brains are different. Women have been found to have more brain cells than men, which are densely packed within the higher mental process areas that control personality, planning and judgment. (That last one about judgment surprised me to find, but then again what would I know, I’m just a low-celled male vegetarian?)
So why bring this whole women’s brains vs. men’s brains idea up? Point four: brain size has little to do with brain capacity. Take the blue whale for example. That mammal’s brain is nearly five times the size of yours and mine. So why can’t one tutor me in math? (Do not answer with 'the great language barrier reef.')
Fifthly - exercise, eating well and engaging in regular sexual activities has been shown to increase blood flow and oxygen to the brain. If brain size is in fact not a factor in brain capacity, as I have shown, then it is safe to say that blood flow and oxygen might be. Such things have been proven to increase the number of new neurons being actively created in the brain - simply by walking for three hours per week! While that news may sound sensationalist, the idea behind it is not; exercise and eating well will increase the number of cells you have in your brain. (Again, “It’s science.”)
A series of decade-long studies in China which ended in 2005 concluded that a surprising list of things can actually increased the level of new brain cells being created in both men and women. Here is their list - tea, blueberries, alcohol (in moderation), dairy proteins (a good source of B12 and the catalyst for this whole discussion), stress management, chocolate and cannabinoids (found only in marijuana). And what caused patients in the study to lose brain cells? Sugar, nicotine, cocaine, alcohol (in excess), saturated fats (MMM, MEAT!) and chronic stress (like, the stress that some friends give me each summer that I decide to become a vegetarian). How amazing is that? Pretty amazing, if you’re anything like me… which is to say, you indulge in many of the items listed from column A and few from column B.
Lastly, as this article was written for the Times of India (with no author’s name provided), I can only assume that this is a very poor translation that should never have made it to press in its current form and certainly should never have made it onto my friend Kirk’s already incendiary Facebook wall.
Perhaps the author should have posited that not drinking milk or eating eggs shrinks the human brain. However, I can only expect so much from this newspaper’s perverse reading of the Oxford University scientists’ discovery… that lack of vitamin B12 found in dairy and meat proteins - and not an increase of vegetables or a vegetarian lifestyle - causes brain shrinkage.
Thank you all for your time, and eat well.
Citations (just for the hell of it):
http://www.youramazingbrain.org/Insidebrain/brainevolution.htm
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